A poem. That was the last straw. A poem. I wrote him a poem. I didn't realize how big this feeling was 'till I found myself writing him a poem. Well, actually is not a poem to him, it's about how he makes me feel. Anyways, it's a poem dedicated to him.
Many people have their own way to demonstrate to people their feelings, and I guess mine is writing poems. Maybe drawing. I love drawing, and I used to draw a lot when I was a kid. But when I feel passionate, I feel inspired to draw.
Is that possible? For you to feel so drawn into someone you have barely known? Well, I guess it is. But it feels bad. Knowing absolutely nothing about what passes by in the head of the other person kind of drives you crazy. It drives me crazy. You never know what to think. You never know how to act. You never know how far you can go or how defensive you should be. You can't pass a day without thinking at least once about that person. Every single stupid detail (a song, a movie, a simple t-shirt, a pair of earings, a smell...) reminds you of... IT (let's unpersonalize the subject). Crap. You are screwed. I mean, I am.
I hate being like this. I hope one day I'll get real and realize that opening my heart to anyone is a huge mistake.
But that's all my fault. I'm absolutely aware of it.
But you know what makes me feel faithful? Is that I know sooner or later this thing (that makes my heart pump when something related to him happens) will end. Just as it did before. I'll get over IT and just look back and laugh at it. "Ilusions are dangerous people. They have no flaws" (Sabrina's movie). No matter what you fantasize in your ingenuous head, things are just unlike what you might think. And so are people. Life in love area is just like the juggle law: one day you're the haunter, in the other you're haunted. One day you dump off, in the other you are the one dumped off.
Buuuuut while that day doesn't come, you stay stuck in that uncomfortable feeling that burns up inside of you every time he posts something on facebook (lol). "Ojos que no ven, facebook que te lo cuenta" (tell me about it...).
But you keep living on, because life goes on. And... if you stop and think for a moment, it's quite good being single. You find yourself opened to many experiences and opportunities you probably would not have if your heart was committed to someTHING else. Not saying just relational experiences and opportunities, I mean in many sticks of life.
Look at me, such a good adviser but horrible at sticking to my own advices. Faça o que eu digo, mas não faça o que eu faço.
Oh well, at least I think remembering him just once in awhile may mean a overcome obstacle. Yeah, let's be positive. Things dont last forever. Neither does the love. Ups... negativism again. My bad.